The Mutual Gift of Forgiveness

When my younger boys, who are ages 8 and 5, get into a fight or when one of them punches, kicks, or throws something at the other we always have a little “come to Jesus” meeting. I gather both and we review what happened. I ask questions like, “Did you hit your brother?” “Why did you hit your brother?” “What did you do so your brother hit you?” These questions usually get the standard, “I guess so,” or “Yes sir.” Once we have figured out the problem, we talk about forgiveness. And to be honest, I am not super excited about the way they forgive one another. Usually, I will say something like, “Now tell your brother you are sorry.” The response is a dejected, “I’m sorry.” Then I will turn to the one who was hit and say, “Now are you going to forgive your brother?” This is not always a wise question because sometimes the answer will be, “No!” This answer leads us to a deeper conversation about God’s forgiveness to us as sinners. I know you may think I am silly getting a 5-year-old and an 8-year-old to apologize to one another and to forgive one another. You may tell me they are just going through the motions and do not really mean what they say. I would admit to you that is probably true most of the time. 

But what I am trying to build into the boys is a habit and nature of admitting wrong and extending forgiveness. One of the issues in society we are faced with is the inability to admit when we are wrong. Often when we are caught in sin we try to justify or qualify our actions or words, instead of owning our choices and their consequences. Our thinking is that if we can justify the action, no matter how sinful it is, we will lessen our consequences. 

In the same manner we have learned how to hold grudges and keep tabs on others’ wrong doings. This is seen most evidently in today’s cancel culture. A person can have made a mistake decades ago and if someone finds it and publishes it, that single mistake can ruin their lives. 

In losing the ability to own our sin, we have also lost the ability to forgive sin. 

Jesus provides a simple word of instruction to his followers on forgiveness. In Mark 11:23 Jesus says,

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

This simple verse is powerful for us as we seek to honor Christ in our lives. There are several truths in this one verse. 

1.     God does not ignore wrongs. 

In this verse, Jesus is not telling us to not acknowledge the wrong done to us. We are not to pretend that we have not been hurt or that we are not grieving from a wound. Forgiveness is often conflated with forgetfulness. This is incorrect. Forgiveness is not holding a wrong against someone when you are reminded of the wrong. God knows the wrong committed to us, just as he knows the wrong we commit against him. 

2.     God calls us to forgive as we are forgiven

This verse shows us the necessity of forgiveness as a believer. If we, sinners, have been forgiven for all of our sin by a holy and righteous God, how could we not forgive those who have sinned against us? Our slate of sin has been wiped clean by the blood of Jesus. This wiping of sin is a full display of God’s unmerited grace for there was nothing done on our account to warrant this forgiveness. Too often, we require someone to show some type of penance or remorse of their actions before we offer forgiveness. While remorse on the part of the sinner is necessary for relational reconciliation, it is not required for the extension of forgiveness on the part of the person who was sinned against. We are to follow God’s forgiveness of us. We forgive because we have been forgiven.

3.     Our salvation is displayed in our ability to forgive

Notice Jesus’ words here. We forgive as we are forgiven. Now, to be sure, Jesus is not telling us that our salvation or the security of salvation is dependent upon our ability to forgive someone. What Jesus shows us here is that our inability to forgive may point to a deeper issue in our lives. Jesus understands that someone who knows the depth of sin they have been forgiven should be able to offer forgiveness themselves. For a sinner to be forgiven by a sinless and holy God and to yet withhold forgiveness from another sinner displays, at best, a misunderstanding of forgiveness and at worst, the truth that person has never experienced the forgiveness of God. 

This week as we celebrate the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus we are shown in the most glorious of ways what forgiveness looks like. Forgiveness is a mutual gift. As we grow in our understanding of our own forgiveness, we are empowered to offer the same gift to others. May I encourage you to contemplate your own forgiveness through Jesus and ask Christ to help you forgive in the manner you have been forgiven. 

As we grow in our understanding of our own forgiveness, we are empowered to offer the same gift to others.

In His Grace, 

Brad